This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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