I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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