I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
