So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
