yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
