I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
