She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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