p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
