i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cut my penus on the lid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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