Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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