I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
