I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
