So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
