you win again, gameday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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