Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
