the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
