Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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