sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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