Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
