speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
