I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
