My hand turned me down
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
