I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
