They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
