So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize