I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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