Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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