walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
