I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize