me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
