woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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