how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize