Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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