I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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