i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
