Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
