I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
