Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
