Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize