is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
