my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize