Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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