so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Quick, to the slutcave!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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