i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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