he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize