i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize