she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
