It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
