Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize