Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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