so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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