Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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