And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Of course I have a pirate flag
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
