when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
