Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
