i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
