I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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