im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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