She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
