That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
