But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
