saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
