update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
