I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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