so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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