grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
