he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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