my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
