He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
