a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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