my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
