Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
