Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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