I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
