His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
