It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
