I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
