Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize