this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As shirtless as possible
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
