Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
only if we run a train.
done.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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