Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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