Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
