Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize