I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
