At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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