My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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