i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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