don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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