So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
