i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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