im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
