Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
