Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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