At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
