Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
