i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
