if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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