Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
